


Do or Die

by Wildspringflower06



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Mostly just Chris being adorable, hints at Buddie?, like a butt-load, so much protective instincts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 17:42:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20952347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspringflower06/pseuds/Wildspringflower06
Summary: “Sir, I have a gentleman here that is asking for you, he’s pretty insistent. He said to tell you his name is Evan Buckley, that he works with you?”Bobby felt a flash of rage course through him, he loved that kid to bits he really did, but he never learned. “Swear to god,” He grumbled, before picking the radio back up, “Ma’am, yes he works for me, but right now he is on leave due to an outstanding injury and should not be working at all, so you tell him to stop what he’s doing and go home immediately or he will be seriously reprimanded-”“I’m sorry Captain, you misunderstood. Mr. Buckley isn’t here helping with the tsunami, he was in it.”





	Do or Die

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! So this is my first foray into this lovely fandom and I figured I'd take a crack at the follow-up tsunami fic that everyone is writing! I haven't seen the new episode yet, and I didn't see any promos, so this is definitely gonna fall under the canon-divergence category of fanfiction. But I still hope you enjoy it.  
There will definitely be a follow-up, because I'm mean and nightmares are a thing that need to happen.

“Captain Nash, Captain Nash do you have a copy?” 

A strong female voice cut through the din of their surroundings and Bobby was quick to pick up his radio, not sure what he was needed for. In this type of emergency, it could be literally anything. “Go for Captain Nash.”

“Sir, I have a gentleman here that is asking for you, he’s pretty insistent.” 

Bobby sighed, they really didn’t have time for this, not in the middle of a disaster. “Look, my team is pretty swamped down here, he’ll just have to wait.”

“He said to tell you his name is Evan Buckley, that he works with you?”

Bobby felt a flash of rage course through him, he loved that kid to bits he really did, but he never learned. “Swear to god,” He grumbled, before picking the radio back up, “Ma’am, yes he works for me, but right now he is on leave due to an outstanding injury and should not be working at all, so you tell him to stop what he’s doing and go home immediately or he will be seriously reprimanded-”

“I’m sorry Captain, you misunderstood. Mr. Buckley isn’t here helping with the tsunami, he was in it.”

“He was what?”

“Yeah, I’m transporting him to the triage center now, but he’s been asking you to meet him there.”

Bobby felt his heartbeat spike, using all his years of training to keep his breathing under control. “Okay, we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

Chimney halted in his search through the water, tagging bodies as they went, and glanced at the captain warily, having been close enough to hear the whole conversation.

Bobby nodded once, as an offer of reassurance, no matter how pitiful it may have been, before turning to the rest of his firefighters. “Alright team, drop what you’re doing here, we have somewhere else we need to be right now.”

Hen sat up and gave Bobby a quizzical look, “What do you mean?”

“We have to go the triage center; Buck was caught in the tsunami.”

“Oh my god.” Hen breathed, shock and fear coating her voice.

Eddie’s feet halted in his steady progress back, staggering and nearly falling over completely. “What?” 

“I don’t know much, but he was cognizant enough to tell them who he was and have them contact us.” Bobby tried to soothe some of the fear and tension he could so clearly feel.

Eddie just shook his head, having trouble keeping himself calm enough to make sense and get his point across clearly, “No, Christopher was with Buck today. Did they say anything about a little boy, is he okay?” The team fell deathly silent, and Eddie stared for a moment with wide eyes before his frustration and fear got the better of him, “Bobby is my son okay!” He shouted.

Bobby held his hands up in a calming gesture, his voice cool and collected, “They didn’t say anything specific, but let’s get in the boat and head over there right now. We’ll get you to Christopher Eddie.”

Hen offered a hand, basically guiding Eddie into their little boat and forcing him into a seat. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think of anything past the pounding fear in his heart; it was debilitating. He was terrified for his son, and worried about his best friend as well. And on top of that he felt a bone crushing guilt. The two of them were only out because he had pushed Buck to get out, to get some fresh air and have a little fun. He’d been so down and gloomy, Eddie had just figured him spending time with Christopher was a good way to lighten his spirits. If anything had happened to either of them, it would be his fault. The boat lurched forward, water spraying in his face as they booked it back to the emergency triage center that had been set up in the wake of this disaster, but Eddie barely noticed. They had to be okay, they both had to be okay; Eddie couldn’t even begin to think about what he would do if they weren’t.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he’d been pinned under the truck, with no means of escape and a psycho with a bomb strapped to their chest standing over him, Buck thought that was the scardest he could ever be. And then the wave came, and he lost Christopher.

Logically, he’d known he wasn’t going to be able to keep a hold of the kid, not with the force of all that water slamming into them, but the first few minutes after he resurfaced that Christopher wasn’t in his arms were some of the worst in his life. He had felt his heart bottom out in fear, desperation coloring his tone as he screamed, begging to hear a response.

And he’d gotten one. Obviously, their situation hadn’t been ideal, they’d just been struck by a tsunami for goodness sake, but at least they were together. At least he knew Christopher was safe. 

And then the wave reversed, receding with almost as much force as it had attacked with, and Buck had to wonder who up there had such a sick sense of humor because he was really getting tired of being in such horrible situations. Yes, he knew how ironic that sentiment was coming from a firefighter, but there was a certain amount of detachment when he wasn’t the one being crushed by a truck or searching for a loved one after a disaster.

He’d turned his back for a minute, just a minute, to try and help some of the people begging to be saved as they were swept out to sea, and when he turned back around, and his eyes didn’t immediately see the bright shirt or sun reflecting off the glasses, he’d literally begun to panic. 

Buck didn’t even spare a second to be mad at the rest of the people on the truck, because how could they have let him fall into the water? How could they not see Buck had been trying to save other people? How could they have not taken just one moment to be responsible for someone other than themselves? Because if he thought on that too long, he sunk deeper into self-loathing; _he_ was the one who was supposed to be responsible for Chris._ He_ shouldn’t have let Chris out of his sight, _he’d _let Chris fall in the water.

The fear from earlier was nothing compared to the raw terror he was feeling then, shouting desperately, on the verge of hysteria, as he continued to get nothing in response. No shout of his name, no flash of orange and white in the water, nothing. Christopher was just gone, in the span of less than a minute his best friend’s son had disappeared.

And it was all his fault.

Buck did his best to keep his breathing under control, the last thing he needed was to get lightheaded and pass out in the water, he was close enough just shouting at the top of his lungs. He knew he was feeling fatigued, the multiple trips into the water having really done a number on his newly healed leg. But he couldn’t let himself feel that, not yet anyway. There would be a time and a place to feel. 

“Christopher!” He screamed again, his throat cracking with the effort. He thought he maybe tasted blood, but chose to ignore that fact, hoping if there was blood it was just from vocal cords being rubbed raw and abused by saltwater. 

Something heavy and hard collided with his leg, his healthy one thankfully, but the shock of it still pulled him under the water. Buck surfaced sputtering, wiping water out of his eyes as he tried to regain some semblance of control in the raging wave. It had been a while since his feet had been able to touch any sort of hard surface, let along the ground.

Buck looked around again, wide eyes stinging, when he caught a glimpse of a familiar pair of red glasses. His stomach, which had been resting somewhere low in his stomach since he’d first realized Christopher was no longer on the fire truck, fell the rest of the way down to his feet. 

Fighting against the current, Buck swam over and grabbed the glasses, which had been snagged against some debris, tightly in his hand. “No no no no.” He whirled around, combing the area and praying; he’d been doing more of that recently. Until Maddie had gone missing, he hadn’t really sent up a prayer in years, but he’d prayed then, and it had worked, they’d found Maddie alive. And then he’d prayed again, when his leg had been crushed under the symbol of his dreams and aspirations, and it seemed to have worked then too, because he was still alive. So, he prayed again, prayed harder than he ever had in his life, he _needed_ to find Christopher alive. He couldn’t do that to Eddie. 

The kid had to be somewhere close, at least, that’s what Buck was hoping. “Christopher!” He called, pausing when the need to cough became too great. “Chris buddy I need you to make some noise if you can hear me!” Buck stopped, treading water to the best of his ability and scanning the area, “Please hear me.” He whispered, blinking back against the sting of tears. He was surrounded by enough saltwater at the moment, he really didn’t need to be adding more, not to mention he was almost definitely dehydrated. 

Faintly, he heard what sounded like metal on metal. His eyes widened and he spun around, trying to quell the threads of hope, because there had been a tsunami, of course debris was going to be making noise. “Christopher?” He called, moving towards where the sound seemed most prominent. “Christopher is that you?”

“Buck?”

Buck was pretty sure that one little call of his name added ten years back to his life, and he nearly sagged with relief. “Christopher!” As quickly as he was able Buck swam through the water, to where he saw a little hand reaching up from behind what had probably been part of the pier at one point. Now it served as a makeshift raft, where Christopher was holding onto the wood tightly, knuckles white and arms shaking, whether from exertion or fear though Buck couldn’t be sure. 

Either way, the kid looked just as relieved as he felt, and quickly launched off the floating debris and into his arms. “Christopher, holy shit don’t ever do that to me again.” Buck wrapped him up in his own arms, holding tight and burying his face in Christopher’s hair, planting a soft kiss against it, and vowing to never let that boy out of his arms ever again.

“Dad says that’s a naughty word. We aren’t supposed to say naughty words.”

Buck chuckled, pulling Chris back to try and look him over for any obvious injuries, “My apologies, let’s not tell your dad about that huh?”

Chris smiled almost playfully, “What do we tell him from this?”

“Well, I suppose nothing isn’t an option. How about we leave out the scariest bits okay?”

Chris laughed, “Yeah okay.” Then his little hands were reaching up and brushing against his face, which Buck was only realizing now was slick with tears. “Why are you crying?”

“What this?” Buck tried to laugh it off, smiling as big as he could, “Nah, that’s just water buddy, no tears here.”

“I just have water too.” Christopher said, leaning back and looking towards the sky, still smiling, his own eyes bright with ‘not-tears’. 

Buck laughed again, he probably sounded crazy, but he was just so relieved. He pulled Christopher back up against his chest and squeezed, taking a moment to calm his breathing and let his heart settle back down to a slightly less worrisome rhythm. At least he no longer felt like he was about to go into cardiac arrest. “Oh hey, I have something of yours.” Buck said, just remembering the glasses. He held them up where Chris could see them and watched as the boy smiled excitedly.

“My glasses!” He cried, he reached out a hand to grab them, but left the other where it was, holding a chunk of Buck’s shirt in a vice-grip. 

Buck sniffed and adjusted his position so he could help Chis put the glasses back over his eyes, still smiling and laughing softly. 

“Now what?” Christopher whispered; little arms tucked back around Buck’s neck.

“Uh, that is an excellent question buddy. Now we figure something out, I’m gonna get you outta here.”

“Yeah, I’m a little sick of the water now.”

“Only a little?”

Chris smiled and nodded, “Only a little.”

Buck shook his head with a breathy laugh, he took one more minute to cradle Christopher’s head against his shoulder, fingers rubbing gentle circles in the sopping wet hair, before his firefighter brain took over, telling him they had to get moving. They had to find help soon, because Buck was definitely beginning to feel the effects of the tsunami. “Okay kiddo, here’s the plan, you’re gonna slide around and ride on my back while I swim through this mess.”

“Like a monkey?”

“Yeah, just like a monkey Monkey.” Buck tickled Chris’ stomach just enough to get the kid to giggle, “Think you can do that?”

“Roger that Team Leader.” Christopher nodded strongly, already adjusting his grip so he could move.

Neither of them really let go of the other, which made the process of Christopher moving to his back slow-going, but slow and steady won the race, or at least got them into their desired position. Then they began their painful shuffle through the gradually falling water. Buck could tell it was getting more shallow, but not enough to make much of a difference at the moment.

He kept swimming, just like he and Christopher had talked about earlier, just like Dory. The burn in his arms, the uncomfortable wrenching in his leg that hinted at what could potentially be a worsening injury, he ignored all of it, pushed it to the back of his mind and locked it in a box, throwing the key away with the tsunami. Buck didn’t have much energy for talking however, so the two spent a vast part of their journey in silence. Christopher seemed content to simply be hugging Buck tightly anyway, and Buck knew that pressure against his back was all he needed to keep himself going. 

“Hey,” A gentle pat against his cheek drew Buck’s attention, “Do you hear that?” Christopher asked.

Buck shook water out of his face and paused a moment, listening. It took a moment, but sure enough after a few seconds of straining, his ears picked up on what sounded like a motor. He’d been so focused on moving in the direction of land that the possibility of running into other rescue operations hadn’t even crossed his radar. “Hey!” He shouted, although the sound didn’t carry far with how raw his vocal cords were. He tried waving his arms but all that accomplished was an uncomfortable mouthful of water that left him coughing.

“Hello!” Christopher shouted, a little louder than Buck had been able to manage.

“Keep shouting buddy, wave your arms around a bit, I’m gonna hoist you up.”

“Like one of the rides!” Chris smiled, arms already above his head. “See us!” He cried again, and when Buck shoved him as far above the water as he could Christopher waved his arms around even more.

Buck’s own arms shook with the effort, but he pushed himself to go further, do more, and lifted Christopher even higher, almost falling completely underwater when the two of them came crashing back down. But it had been worth it; when Buck’s head resurfaced the little rescue, boat was turning in their direction, someone on board waving their arms back to let them know they had been spotted.

A small hand was once again patting at his wet cheek, “You did it kid.”

“You were an incredible help Christopher. Great job.” Buck breathed heavily, counting the seconds until he could stop moving his arms and just let them melt into the jello they wanted to become. 

The boat slowed as it neared them, and a female firefighter Buck had never seen before ran to the edge, “Hey there!”

“Take him.” Buck didn’t waste a second, he needed to get Christopher out of the water.

“Come here kiddo, I’ve got you.” She called gently, strong hands wrapping under Chris’ armpits and hoisting him above the side of the boat.

“Now you gotta get my Buck.” Christopher whispered, scooting out of the way but staying very close to the middle of the boat.

The lady smiled and gave him a strong nod, “Of course. Sir, grab my hand I’ll help pull you up.”

Buck barely had the energy needed to throw his arm over his head, let alone pull himself all the way into the little boat. But somehow his hand reached past the rubber lip, and he felt a strong tug against the back of his shirt. He was straining as hard as he could, wincing with the effort, when he felt a small hand grab his own and start to help pull as well. It was enough to give Buck a last burst of effort, and with the much-needed assistance of the firefighter, Buck was able to flop ungracefully into the boat.

He fell on his back, panting heavily and just staring up at the blue sky. Christopher laid his head against Buck’s chest, and Buck instinctually began running his fingers through his hair. “Thank you.” He gasped out, not quite sure who he was directing that gratitude to.

“Just hold tight you two, we’re gonna get you on dry land and get you all nice and warm.”

“I want hot chocolate.” Christopher whispered, and Buck smiled.

“We can get you some hot chocolate kiddo.”

Christopher’s next request was voiced a little quieter than the first and was accompanied by a squeezing of Buck’s fingers. “I want my dad.”

That got Buck moving again, groaning as he moved to sit up, ignoring how the world spun for several seconds too long when he was finally upright again. “Are you in contact with the other firefighters working here?”

The woman glanced at him from her position steering the boat, “Yes sir, why?”

“I need you to contact Captain Bobby Nash of the 118. He and his team need to meet us back on shore.”

“I don’t know where they’re stationed, everyone is spread pretty thin.”

“I know I know, but I need Captain Nash. Just, radio him, please. I work for him, tell him it’s Evan Buckley.” Buck explained, he was getting really tired of talking, and he tried pleading with his eyes. “Please, Captain Nash of the 118.”

The woman pursed her lips but relented with a nod, “I’ll contact him once we get closer to shore, you can’t hear much of anything over these motors.”

Buck just nodded, sagging back and letting his eyes slip closed. “Thank you.” He whispered, his arms once again finding their way around Christopher’s waist and gently tugging him as close as he was able.

When they finally docked it was to a scene of absolute chaos. Someone tried to grab Christopher from him as they hopped out of the boat, but Buck just shook his head, too tired to even tell them to back off. The two of them were ushered towards where several cots had been set up, someone giving them a quick preliminary medical check just to assess whether or not they were dying. Then they were given a thick blanket and told to sit tight.

So that’s what the two of them did. Buck soon began to lose track of everything but the warmth in his arms, the steady beat of Christopher’s heart. It cancelled out anything else he might have been feeling and he fell into an almost blissful state of numbness.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The zodiac had barely touched down before Eddie was jumping out and sprinting through the crowd, eyes wide; he wasn’t even trying to hide his desperation. “Christopher!” He shouted, growing more desperate the longer he went without seeing him. “Christopher!”

“Eddie, over here!” Hen called, waving to get his attention. She pointed to where several cots were all lined up, and sitting on one, looking more exhausted than Eddie ever wanted to see, was Buck. And clutched in his arms: Christopher. 

Eddies shoulders sagged in relief, and if he hadn’t been so desperate to hold Chris close to him, he knew his legs would have given out right there. He jogged closer, tears falling unchecked, “Christopher.”

Christopher’s head poked up, and he glanced around to try and see where the voice was coming from. “Buck,” He said, shaking Buck’s shoulder, “Buck it’s dad!”

Buck blinked, the boy’s words took a moment to process, probably a moment longer than they should have, but when they finally did register he quickly set Chris down, no matter how much he didn’t want to, and watched him stagger towards his dad.

Eddie crashed to his knees and pulled Christopher as close to him as was physically possible. “Are you okay, does anything hurt?” Eddie pulled back and held Chris at arms’ length, studying him carefully.

“I’m okay dad.” Christopher smiled, brushing a hand against Eddie’s chin. “Buck kept me safe.”

A spike of emotion shot through Eddie’s heart, and he glanced up to see Buck sitting exactly where Christopher had left him, Eddie couldn’t even tell how much awareness he really had, the poor guy looked about ready to collapse. 

“He needs a nap.” Christopher stated matter-of-factly.

The sentiment made Eddie chuckle, knowing that whenever Christopher was particularly exhausted, a nap was his go-to solution. “I think he needs more than just a nap buddy.”

“A nap is a good place to start.” 

“That it is. Hey, you remember Hen and Chim right? Can you let them look you over while I check on our friend over here?”

Christopher nodded, holding his arms open for one more hug that Eddie was all too willing to give him, before he started making his way to where the two paramedics were waiting, figuring Eddie would want them to check his son over anyway.

That allowed Eddie to stand and make his way closer to the cot. “Buck?” Eddie asked, holding a hand out and looking at his friend warily.

“Eddie.” Buck’s shoulders sagged in relief, a tired smile stretching across his marred face. “I found him Eddie, I found him, and I didn’t let him go.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed; not quite sure what Buck meant. “How you feeling buddy?”

Buck didn’t really seem to register what had been asked, instead positing a question of his own, “Is Christopher alright?”

“Yeah, yeah Buck, you got him here safely.”

“Oh thank god, I was real worried for a bit. Wasn’t sure we were gonna find you.” Buck sighed heavily, his eyelids drooping and his entire body listing to the side.

“Woah woah buddy, Buck buddy you gotta stay awake okay?” Eddie called frantically, catching Buck before he could fall out of the cot completely. 

“We made it back,” Buck breathed, still not quite seeming to comprehend anything Eddie had actually said to him.

“Yeah Buck, you did.”

“‘M tired.”

“I know you are buddy, but you could be hurt, we need to check you over. Eyes open okay?”

Buck just blinked sluggishly, “Christopher? Is he hurt?”

Eddie sighed, lips tight, he wasn’t sure if it was just exhaustion or if Buck had a concussion or other sort of injury that was interfering with his ability to focus. “No Buck, just a few cuts and bruises, nothing serious at all.”

“Okay good, was real-” Buck’s voice tapered off into an exhausted whisper, “worried for a sec.” He finished, the small sentence obviously taking quite a bit of effort, before his eyes rolled back and his entire body sagged downwards. He would have hit the ground had Eddie not already had a firm hold of his shoulders. “Buck, Buck hey! Guys I need help over here!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buck didn’t remember closing his eyes, granted most of the day after he’d lost Chris had been a blur, but it was still a weird feeling to wake up in a room he had no recollection of being moved to. He was starting to get far too used to hospital beds though, so although he didn’t know all the details he knew exactly where he was when he finally came to.

The room was quiet, a heart monitor beating softly in time to his pulse next to him and the quiet shuffle of some sort of material; the general din of the world outside his own room was the only source of any significant noise. He could only imagine how busy the hospital was after the disaster they just experienced.

His eyes peeled open with minimal effort but attempting to turn his head and survey the room resulted in a hiss of pain. 

Maddie had been sitting in the chair next to his bed reading a new book Chimney had bought her when she heard the noise of discomfort, the book immediately falling away when she saw her brother awake. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Okay, all things considered.” He whispered, throat feeling like he had gargled nails for breakfast.

“Yeah, you were amazingly lucky. Mostly minor injuries.”

Buck’s eyebrows raised and he looked up at Maddie in trepidation, “Mostly?”

She nodded with pursed lips, but she’d promised him she was never going to withhold medical information, no matter what it might be. “Yeah. Lots of little cuts and bruises. Your ribs took a real beating, so you’ll have to be careful about those. Whiplash, hence the sore neck, so careful moving your head. Your leg, well for what you went through it sustained amazingly little harm. You’ll need to use crutches again, at least for a little bit, and the doctor has to keep a close eye on things to make sure nothing was damaged structurally and the metal implants are still holding up okay, but otherwise you’ve been given a clean bill of health.”

Buck nodded, swallowing with a wince. It really wasn’t as bad as he had expected, with how he’d been feeling by the time they’d finally been picked up by rescuers. _They_. A spike of icy terror shot through his heart, vocalized by the shrill scream of the heart monitor, “Christopher, where is he, is he alright?”

“Evan, relax, okay? Just breathe, Christopher is fine. He’s at home resting, he is perfectly safe. Thanks to you.” Maddie was hoping that would at least calm Buck down, make him feel a little better, but if anything, it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“No, no I lost him Mads. I had him and then I lost him, he almost died.” Buck shook his head vehemently, face scrunched in disgust. 

Maddie settled gently on the hard hospital cot, gripping the hand not full of tubes in her own, “What are you talking about, Ev I don’t understand.”

Buck’s eyes began to water, and he’d just opened his mouth to try and explain, when a slightly breathless figure in the door caught his attention. “Eddie.” 

Eddie’s eyes were wide, breathing heavily as if he’d just run up several flights of stairs in full firefighter gear, “You’re awake.” 

Buck nodded with a swallow, “You’re alone.”

“I didn’t know- Christopher is in the waiting room, he was having a little trouble sleeping back home but I didn’t know if you were still out of it. I didn’t want him coming in here if you weren’t, well if you weren’t conscious.” Eddie shifted nervously, still standing in the doorway, “He saw you pass out at the triage center and it uh, it really freaked him out.”

Buck’s face scrunched up in anger, one more thing to add to the ever-growing tower of self-loathing. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Eddie demanded immediately.

Maddie watched the two interact, could feel the tension radiating off her brother in waves, and knew this was a conversation the two of them needed to have alone. “Hey Evan, I’m gonna go get some coffee okay? I’ll be back in a bit.”

Buck smiled up at her briefly but otherwise didn’t say anything.

On her way out the door Maddie gave Eddie’s arm a reassuring squeeze, “He’s real upset about something, I don’t know what though.” She whispered.

Eddie gave a small nod and stepped out of the way as she left, book in hand. He shuffled his feet awkwardly, he wasn’t terribly good at navigating emotions, but Buck had saved his son’s life, not to mention he considered the man one of his closest friends. He owed it to him to try and figure out what was going on. So, with a deep breath he stepped through the threshold, and crossed over to the recently vacated chair. “So how are you feeling?”

“Well, I really just woke up not that long ago, so I think the discomfort hasn’t really sunk in yet. That or they have me on some pretty good pain meds.”

Eddie laughed, “Probably a little of both.”

The room lapsed into silence and Buck stared so intensely at the wall Eddie thought it was in danger of spontaneous combustion, “How many?” He finally whispered.

“There isn’t a final count yet, but a lot.” He responded somberly. 

Buck just nodded, teeth chewing the inside of his lip almost subconsciously. “There were so many people out there, I wish I could have helped them.”

“You did, you helped a lot of people Buck.”

Buck just sighed, the exhale almost sounding bitter, which only served to confuse Eddie further. Maddie had been right; something really was bothering him. Eddie moved to sit in the hard-plastic chair that had been moved close to Buck’s bed, studying his face as he went. “Can I help with anything, I mean, do you need me to get anything for you?”

Buck ignored Eddie’s question and responded with a question of his own. “Why aren’t you mad?”

The inquiry had Eddie reeling, blinking in shocked confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“You should be furious with me.” Buck said, his tone resigned, like he was just waiting for the mood to shift and for him to be proven right, “You should hate me.”

Eddie’s heart stuttered, “Why would I hate you?”

It took a moment, and when Buck finally did answer it was in such a small, quiet voice, Eddie almost didn’t hear, “Because I hate me.”

“Buck, you saved my son’s life, how could I ever hate you? Hell, I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to repay you.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Don’t do that.”

Eddie sighed, “Don’t do what?” He pressed gently, hoping Buck would just open up already and the conversation that clearly needed to happen could finally start. 

“Thank me. Act like I’m some-some _hero_ or something.” He said the word like it tasted bad on his tongue.

Eddie chuckled nervously, mostly because he really didn’t understand where any of this was coming from. “Well what should I treat you like?”

“A failure.” Buck snapped, his eyes were bursting fiery with anger, but Eddie could tell it was directed inward and not at himself.

The vehemence in his tone took Eddie by surprise and he was left sputtering, “What? Buck, how could you be a failure? You’re alive, _Christopher _is alive-”

“Yeah well he almost wasn’t!” Buck interrupted with a crackling shout, tears welling but refusing to spill. 

Dread pooled in the pit of Eddie’s stomach, mind racing with possibilities, of the doctor’s having missed something, him missing something; Christopher hadn’t mentioned anything but maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. “What-what are you talking about Buck?” He hated how much his voice wavered.

Buck shook his head, he looked like he wanted to stand and pace, work out some of the tension in his body. “He fell off the truck Eddie! I turned my back for a second, and he fell off the truck and he was just gone. I thought he was dead, I thought I had killed your son and I knew it was something neither of us were ever going to be able to forgive me for. And yeah, sure, I jumped in to look for him but I- I was- Eddie if I couldn’t find him, I wanted that wave to kill me. Because being dead would be better than having to face you and tell you I let Christopher die. That it was my fault you lost someone else in your family.” 

Eddie felt the confession hit him like a brick, sucking the air from his chest and immediately making tears prick behind his own eyes. “Buck, Ev listen, I don’t care. Okay? I don’t. Look, whatever happened in the middle, I’m sure you protected Christopher to the best of your abilities.”

Buck opened his mouth to interrupt, probably protest, but Eddie wasn’t going to give it to him. “Ev it was a _disaster_. You said Chris fell off the truck? Then he fell off the truck. But _you_ found him again, you brought him to safety.” Eddie had to stop and breathe as a sob threatened to wrench its way out of his throat, tears were already free flowing down his face. “You brought him back to me. And we can talk through anything else that happened later but right now the only fact I care about is that you and Christopher are alive. You understand?”

Buck nodded, not trusting his voice to work past the tears lodged in his throat.

“God,” Eddie laughed wetly, swiping the tears off his face with a sniff, “Here I was afraid you were gonna be mad at me.”

“W-what?” Buck croaked.

“Buck, you wouldn’t have even been out on the pier if I hadn’t pushed you to get out today. _I’m_ the reason you left your apartment.”

“I don’t blame you, honestly I-I know I needed it. I just happen to have the shittiest luck in the universe. But I didn’t blame you for a second Eddie.”

“What if we just say it was no body’s fault?”

The sudden voice from the doorway drew their attention away from each other, Christopher stood with a big, albeit tired, grin on his face.

Eddie stood and was quick to scoop Christopher off his feet, tickling his tummy on the way up, “Hey you, how did you get up here?”

“Hen brought me!”

“Hi,” Hen waved, leaning in the doorframe, “Sorry if I was interrupting something, Maddie said Buck was awake and this one was insistent on seeing him immediately.”

“You were?” Buck asked playfully, “C’mere you goof.”

“You’re the goof!” Christopher squealed as Eddie hoisted him above his head and swung him around the room a little before plopping him onto the hospital bed.

Buck’s hand drifted towards Christopher without him really even seeming to notice, still instinctually needing to be close, to ensure Chris was safe. He leaned forward as much as he was physically able, swallowing a wince, “So, what’s the status report?”

“Nothing of consequence.” Christopher said matter-of-factly with a strong nod of his head.

“You sure?” Buck asked, a mischievous grin growing on his face, “Not even here?” He poked at Christopher’s side, “Or here?” Buck poked his other side and Chris wiggled out of the way. “Definitely here!” 

Christopher fell back with a loud giggle, clutching his stomach where Buck was tickling him playfully. “Stop!” He cried, a large grin on his face.

Buck pulled his hands back, laughing along with Christopher, no matter how much it hurt his ribs. Eddie must have picked up on his discomfort though because a second later he was walking over and kneeling at the edge of the bed, looking Chris in the eyes. “Whaddya say we let Buck get some rest hm?”

“Aww.” Chris sat up, smile fading.

“You can totally come back and see me tomorrow,” Buck promised, before opening his mouth in a hugely exaggerated yawn. “I am pretty tired.” 

Eddie met his eyes over Christopher’s mop of curly hair, a small smile of gratitude silently expressing his thanks. Christopher needed to rest too, and he would feel much better about leaving if he thought it was because Buck needed to sleep himself.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow kid.” Chris said, reaching his little hand up once more to rub against Buck’s cheek.

Buck leaned into the contact and took the opportunity to blow a quick raspberry, wanting to hear the boy’s laughter one last time before he left for the evening.

“Alright mister,” Eddie gripped Chris and easily pulled him off the bed. “Can you wait for daddy out in the hallway real quick?”

“Roger that!” Chris nodded and started making his way to the door, progress a little slow-going without the aid of his crutches.

“Thank you,” Eddie said, standing and placing a firm hand on Buck’s knee. He sounded more sincere than Buck had ever heard him, “Seriously, thank you.”

“Thanks for visiting. You’ll be back tomorrow?” Buck wasn’t even the least bit embarrassed by the hopeful lilt of his voice.

Eddie smiled, glancing over his shoulder where Christopher was sweet-talking a nurse. “I don’t think that one will stand for anything else.”

“Good. Now get outta here.”

“Alright, I’m going. Have a good night Buck.”

Buck smiled gently, “You too.”

Hen watched Eddie leave the room, once again snatching Christopher right off the ground and pulling him close, the sight made her smile. She couldn’t even imagine how she would be feeling if it had been her own son lost in the disaster. 

“Thank you, for bringing him up.” Buck’s soft voice broke the relative silence that had encompassed the room.

“I think he needed it as much as you did. Now get some rest, you look about two seconds away from passing out completely.”

Buck sighed, trying to stifle a real yawn that time with little success, “Any idea on when I can get outta here?”

“You don’t enjoy the scenery?” Hen joked with a roll of her eyes. “Go to sleep Buck, I’ll ask around.”

“M’kay. Night Hen.”

“Good night Buck.”


End file.
